I'll Take 'Hotter Than Haides' For $1000 Alex

So getting to Tikal was a little bit ... okay, a huge freaking circus, but if you ever have the chance, I highly recommend you make the effort to visit this place. As you can tell by the sweat dripping off us, it's hot here ... but the reality is that we're in a freaking jungle people! What do you really expect!? The Mayan ruins at Tikal are amazing. They're set smack in the middle of the jungle and there's no real water source, which makes the engineering feat even more impressive. In addition to the pyramids, they figured out how to make waterways and reservoirs. They also figured out how to avoid being eaten by jaguars. I'm told that the best way to do this is by ripping the still-beating-heart out of a drugged virgin and then burn the heart as an offering to the gods ...but I still think it had more to do with stone buildings that didn't require you sleeping on the jungle floor...but that's just me, and I'm just a lowly biology major.

After a night a semi-sleep due to the temp/ humidity and howler monkeys (yes, howler monkeys. They're not real big, but you'd think they were the size of an elephant for all the freaking noise they can make!) we woke up at 0430 and met up with a hiking group just outside the park. We had paid for a guide to take us to Temple #5, which is the tallest in the park, in order to watch the sunrise. As is typical, the fog was too thick to see the actual sunrise, but we did get to enjoy watching and listening to the entire jungle waking up. Birds, bugs, monkey, etc all began to stir as we looked over the mist-covered jungle and ruins of Tikal. Very cool, and very spiritual for all who attended...all except the two broads at the end. They just couldn't seem to understand why we were just sitting there... their loss.

In honor of the two broads who couldn't shut up while waiting for the sunrise ... allow me to digress for a moment ... Those of you who've traveled inter- nationally will understand that horrible feeling you get in your stomach when you're in a foreign country and you're watching a group of people (in this case two people) making asses of themselves ...and then you have the terrible realization of "oh crap, those morons are American". And then you spend the rest of the day trying not to look or act like an American. It's not to say that I haven't had my moments when traveling, but there is a fine...okay not so fine line between "out having fun" and "ugly American". I thought I'd have to kill the two girls myself when one asked "so, what is the relation of these pyramids to the ones in Egypt". Now admittedly, I'm not a history major, but I'm pretty sure that there wasn't any 'intercontinental highway' between Central America and Egypt some 3,000 years ago! Fortunately, the ladies turned out to be from South Africa ...which absolutely made my day, because I no longer had to spend my limited free time convincing everyone that "not all American's are like that".

Okay, back on subject ... After the sun came up we toured some of the other ruins. This is when the guide really came in handy. He told us about the Mayas, their culture, why the pyramids where there, about their money and how the Indigenous people of Guatemala were still distinctly Mayan, but wholly assimilated at the same time. It's an amazing group, that figured out how to 'play the Spaniards game' which meant they would survive and not get wiped out like other indigenous people of the Americas (Aztecs, etc). We saw 'leaf-cutter' ants and coffee trees. I caught a gecko and we searched for crocodiles (no luck though). The guide left us around 0830, and we headed back for breakfast at the hotel. After a traditional Guatemalan breakfast of eggs and plantains, we hiked back into the park for a few more hours.

By the way, my wife is really freaking hot! We had about two hours before our ride picked us up to take us to the airport at Flores. We were hiking around the ruins when the rains started. Not the 'gentle California rain' that we're used to. No, no, no. This was the full-on 'thunder and lighting, torrential downpour that jungles are famous for' rain. But the rain was warm, so it wasn't that bad. I even got to make out in the rain with my wife for a little... did I mention that she's hot? After that, we hung out with some other tourists and avoided the rain by hiding in one of the old Mayan royal houses. We figured that people have probably been taking cover in that house for about 2,000 years... kinda surreal.

By the end of two days worth of hiking the ruins, my foot was swollen and I was having some serious trouble walking. It seemed fitting that when I got to the top of one of the pyramids, a giant vulture was waiting for me. I think they figured that the tall, limping, skinny, pink thing was on his way out and all they needed to do was wait! Even better, I was making my way up to their nest to die and they wouldn't need to fly down and pick at my bones. Well screw that I say. Kate asked if I was okay or if we should stop and go back to the hotel and rest. To quote Henry Rollins "I'd better be okay. I didn't fly 3,000 miles to say 'oww, my foot hurts'." Now keep in mind, that didn't stop me from complaining about it the entire time, it just stopped me from going back the hotel and then complaining about it. Kate is truly the better half... anyone that can put up with me for that long is a champion...hell, I couldn't put up with me for that long!